i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
