But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
