the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
