i think i have herpe
just one?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
