Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
