Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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