OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
