Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
