everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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