I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Welp...herpes.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
