He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
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What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
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They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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