Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
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someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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