I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
