I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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