i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
