You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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