we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
