Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
