Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
