too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
