Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
