I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
where does the pee come out of this thing
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
