Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
