I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
