Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
