best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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