I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
