My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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