Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
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Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.