Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams