I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
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He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
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Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.