Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
