Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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