As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
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Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
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I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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