there's paper in my vomit.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize