Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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