So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
