there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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