meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
