i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
