i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Let's get the cat blown out
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
