i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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