That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
