Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
