margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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