loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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