Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
