Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
