I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
a search helicopter?!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
