I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
