my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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