I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
