I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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