I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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