I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
