Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
