I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
