I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
