meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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