I love black thongs
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
