I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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